Adapting vs. Settling

They don't mean the same thing. Then why am I so scared to let myself adapt?

Settling is adapting with a negative connotation to it.

At the same time, I think I need to adapt in order to go forward. I'll give an example.

It's been a month. I stubbornly refuse to accept the ugly realities of this country. I'm afraid if I accept the ugly monster buildings from communist times with their paint peeling off and the large territories of mud and dirt all around them, then I'll stop trying for something better and I'll settle for this. In that way I don't *want* to adapt, it's not that I *can't*. Adapting has become a synonym of settling in my mind. I perceive it as taking a step back from where I am. But maybe it's a step forward. Maybe I have to make this forward step of adapting in order to make the next forward step of moving on. Settling is a step back, adapting is a step forward. I know smart people adapt. Dumb people settle. I'm so scared of not being the dumb one I can't let myself be the smart one. And that makes me mediocre, indifferent, which inevitably is also a step back. There is no stillness in life, there is always change, movement. You're bound to go in some direction and it's your choice which one it'll be.